Q&A: The Fine Line of Brent Smith-style Game

Hey Lex,

I’ve been reading your blog & it’s been very influential to me, especially the stuff about Brent Smith’s no-chase style. I’m a recent convert to that myself. A couple of questions, though. Just “letting things happen” seems to be a very slow way. My average time between GFs is measured in months, not weeks, when I do things this way. Do those long stretches of “nothing happening” ever get shorter? Also, you’ve seen pictures of Brent…Do you really think women will chase you and I the way they chase him? I know he says it’s all about inner game, but I’d like to send him out in a fat-suit someday to put that theory to the test

Women do hit on me even when I’m being completely passive & not overtly doing anything. But the quality tends to be low (i.e. middle-aged women whose looks are 4 or 5 out of 10). Does the quality of women whom one is able to passively attract improve as one’s inner game improves? Or does your own physical attractiveness set a ceiling on that?

Merry Xmas,
-Johnny

Johnny,

Merry Xmas to you too. 

Let me start off by saying that it always makes me feel so good knowing that there are guys reading my blog and it gives value to their lives.  A lot of times I will go back and reflect on my life prior to learning Game and Social Skills and the torment that it brings.  I keep writing this blog mainly so that other guys out there, who are still living in that hell, can help themselves get out of the situation.

Ok, so Brent game.  Brent game, I find INCREDIBLE for internal happiness, which I think you’ve noticed in yourself.  Letting go of that need to “get girls” and not chase is amazing.  I think everything in life can mainly be solved if people were to say to themselves “this just doesn’t matter that much”.  For a long time my own personal mantra was, “who cares?”, but not in a nihilistic way, but in a “let’s not complicated things way.”

Unfortunately, sometimes you do enter into these vacuum periods, because as much as you can swing to the direction of “who cares” it can also turn complacent and solitary.

So, the bigger question here is, how can I maintain a non-attached, yet social, attitude?

And man, let me tell you, the human ego is viscous.  It is a voracious eater of validation.  I was a cigarette smoker for a long time and I quit by using the nicotine patch.  Amazingly as soon as I put on the patch I noticed that all those little excuses that I would say to myself to rationalize my smoking were nothing more than that – a rationalization.  “I have an oral fixation”, “I like the ‘act’ of smoking”, “it calms my nerves”, etc.  It was all just bullshit.

It is just as easy for that happen in our dating lives.  You get a bunch of phone numbers, you txt some girls, they respond, you like the attention, it feels nice, you may even hook up with a few, but after a while it seems very important to “get girls”, “get phone numbers”, etc.

But it really isn’t.

You have to live within the mindset of pursuing your goals while not being attached to them. 

I want to correct it when you said, ”letting things happen”, because when you run Brent game you actually aren’t passively letting things happen.

Mainly, stop caring about anything happen.  If nothing happens that’s ok.  If something happens that’s ok.  The point is that it doesn’t matter.  You have to let that go.

Secondly, live your life, be social, pursue your interests, pursue your life, etc., etc.  Women will come, but don’t care about it.  Again, it doesn’t matter.

Live your life for your wants and desires.  If you see a really attractive girl, then go ahead and talk to her because you want to get to know her.  But definitely don’t have an agenda about it.  Don’t be going to talk to her so that you can “run game to get her to fuck you”.  Treat her as any other person you may meet and talk to.

Now, in terms of Brent Smith himself, yes, he is definitely a good looking guy.  I’m sure that there are times that he does get approached by women solely based on his looks.  But keep in mind that most women are much much too passive to ever approach a guy.

Shit, 99% of people in the world rarely ever approach anyone.  I think I read a statistic somewhere that men average 5 cold approaches in their lifetimes.

But Brent does and advocates something that is incredibly brilliant.  I think A LOT of people get learn Brent gamesecond hand because he doesn’t have an e-book.  But you can go to his site and sign up for his podcasts and I very much suggest you do if you are interested in his style.

He says to be social. 

The point is that Brent doesn’t advocate sitting back and doing nothing.  He advocates being social and talking to people with no agenda.  He says, “walk around a club/bar, say hi to people, as them how their night is going, give them a high five, have cheers with them, etc.”  The reason why women and people approach Brent has absolutely nothing to do with his looking good, but because he’s a social person and people love his positivity, energy, and happiness.  He’s going around the club talking and saying hi to people, and so it’s not a big deal to talk to him because he’s talking to everyone.

Also, he really does have his inner game totally straight, so people don’t get a creepy feeling from him when they talk to him.  He is just likable.

Let me add also that lately I’ve been getting, “you just make me feel so comfortable from the first minute we hang out.”  Men, women, etc.  People enjoy my company because I am comfortable with myself, I am not judgemental, and I am incredibly respectful, as well as maintaining a fun, cool vibe.

So, I guess the overall key is to be social, meet and talk to people, but drop the agenda and everything works out on its own.

Best of Luck and Merry Xmas,

Lex

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