Me, from a different perspective

What a world we live in.  Jailbait gave me the address of her blog a long time ago, and because I’m at my parents house bored, I flipped over, and my, she had a whole bunch of stuff to say about me.

It’s interesting to see things from her perspective, but it also explains a lot of what she was feeling and why I absolutely had to stop seeing her:

So lately Lex has been acting really oddly towards me.  He seems to get frustrated and annoyed for any little thing.  Especially if I don’t bow down to him or compliment him and stroke his ego if you will.  And I’ve learned that if I prove him wrong it’s like sin.  For example, I simply asked him if he liked Disney World seeing as I’m a huge Disney kid and love that sort of thing.  He replied no, that it’s too childish.  Fair enough although Epcot and MGM are quite far from childish so I mentioned that and asked if he liked either place.  To which he replied that he said Disney World was too childish not Epcot and MGM.  Yet Epcot and MGM are part of Disney World… which I pointed out.  I mentioned that he’s confusing Magic Kingdom with the entire Disney World.  God this set him off. It was the most rediculous thing ever.  I can’t even have an innocent little conversation with him without him being annoyed with me because I don’t bend to his will.  I’m sorry but if you’re wrong you’re wrong.  I’m not going to lie about something I know for a fact just to please anyone.  That’s absurd. 

This may be the best example of how a Low Self-Esteem brain works.  I can honestly tell you this conversation meant pretty much nothing to me.  She asked me if I liked Disney World, I said no because it’s too childish (meaning that it’s a place that little kids go, and I’m not into that), then she said MGM and Epcot weren’t the Magic Kingdom and I said, “ok”, and that I still didn’t like it.

Keep in mind the filters of her own mind as they receive my words.  She is a negative person with Low Self Esteem, so when the words are received they instantly are tagged with her negative commentary on it.  I was not frustrated at all, I wasn’t annoyed at all, this conversation actually meant very little to me, but the negative mind grabs at words, twists and twists and twists until the situtaion is completely overexaggeratted on in her mind.  Pretty unfortunate, actually, it must be tortorous. 

I feel Lex has this overwhelming craving to fit into not fitting in if that makes any sense.  Like he tries so hard to be an “individual” and “independent” rather than succumbing towards what he really wants sometimes.  I don’t think he realizes what an asshole he becomes when he’s trying so hard to be “independent”. 

If there was nothing else besides this statement, it is reason enough for me not to want to see this girl again.  The problem here is that she is judging me.  Who wants to be involved with another person who is constantly judging them?  Relationships are supposed to be uplifting, supportive, and loving, not a situation in which you are constantly looking down and criticizing the other person.

I can’t stand his secrecy and he knows it and does it on purpose. 

This is so disrespectful and narcisstic.  I am just a person who doesn’t share everything, but in her mind I am purposefully keeping information from her to make her angry.  Read further for the absolute mega-judgementalness that she attached to this.

What kind of person does that?  A childish and immature person.  Or even worse someone with something to hide.  I love how he claims he’s so honest and truthful yet he is so vague and generic with me to maintain his “independence” and “individuality”.  True I don’t want to be his girlfriend but at the same time I think it’s kind of fair if you market yourself as being honest and open and truthful then be honest and open and truthful.  Don’t give me a false perception of who you really are.  I can be nothing but who I am and I may not be as “independent” or as much of an “individual” but you know what at least I’m not trying so hard to be something I’m not that I don’t realize I’m hurting people in the process.  People who want nothing more than to be nice to you and be your friend. 

And the hooks are coming out.  This is why being involved with a LSE girl can never ever work.  In a loving and positive relationship both parties love and admire the others individuality and don’t view it as a threat which causes resentment in a negative person.  They respect the other person’s life and don’t see it as their place to intrude on that.

Jailbait is stating there that I am being “secretive”, but really what she means by secretive is that I’m not telling where I am, who I’m with, what I’m doing, what time I’m going to be home, etc., etc.  I’m sure most men in relationships can relate to their girlfriends doing this. 

Look at the place this is coming from; it is a total intrusion into who I am as a person.  Fundamentally she judges me and finds my individuality a threat because “I may go away”.  It is all very needy and possessive. 

She steps so far over the line, actually, that she says that I am “pretending to be something I’m not”.  How amazingly fucked up is that?  She has determined, after knowing me for a very short period of time, that she knows me better than I know myself and that because I am not becoming dependant on her and looking for her validation and living my life for myself that there is something wrong with me.

Again, all very typical of a LSE mind.

I understand I’ve been overly critical and judgemental of him. 

See how she even acknowledges it, but then continues on the path of destruction anyway?

I wish I wasn’t and I don’t mean to be in a negative way.  Like when he showed me his writings and I pointed out a grammatical error I noticed I only meant it to help him out but he took it the wrong way.  ;( 

Please note, I never took it the wrong way.  She pointed something out that was a matter of style, not grammar, and all I said was, “it’s a matter of style”, again twisting things and oveblowing them into something negative.

I wish people would understand that I don’t do that to be mean, if anything I do it to be nice and help out.  I don’t know I think Lex may be 28 but has the social mentality of a high school boy. 

Again, judging me.

It’s so frustrating.  Even worse is that he claims he has plans then expects me to all of a sudden go over only for a time period and leave before his “plans”.  Mentions to bring lingerie too.  If that’s not a booty call then I don’t know what is. 

This was actually the final line for me.  I know I sound like a broken record, but again, this is her twisting things to the negative.

We’ve gone out together, we’ve gone to dinner together, even a couple of days before this post we went to the library and studied together, holding hands, and being very cute and loving.  Unfortunately because of the negative twist, she can’t appreciate that I am making time for her even though I’m busy with other things.  She twists “plans” into me seeing another girl (which is the inferrence here – and by the way, I just was going to an art event), so there is a huge jealousy factor here.

And again, beyond that there is no appreciation, just negativity, judgementalness, and bad feelings.

After I told him no thank you that I had already made plans he’s been ignoring me since. 

Actually, what she said was, “so I’m on a time limit?  Thanks, but no thanks, I made plans.”

I want to tell him all this and straighten shit out because it’s real unfair.  My fucking luck.  Wish shit could just get settled the adult way instead of the pre teen way of “I’m not talking to youuuu nyah nyah”.  Honestly grow up.

I think we all know that I don’t acknowledge negativity, but she, of course, turns it into me being immature.  Of course, her being possessive, judgemental, critical, etc., isn’t immature and off putting at all, it is all me being a bad person.

And you know what?  That’s perfectly cool.  I respect this girls desire to be negative.  It’s ok, that’s her problem, not mine.  But I can not spend time with a person like this, nor would most people who have their lives together.

Also, just so that you understand more fully, in her post she also talks about other guys she’s dating (so hypocritally being possessive over me while she is dating freely – perfect example of chicklogic) and how she’s pissing all them off too.  Of course it’s all the other guys faults and not hers, again just going to show the irrational mind of a LSE girl.