by Neil Strauss (aka Style)
by Mystery
by David DeidaI fired Jailbait.
I know, I know, I’m starting to get like Seinfeld and his endless turning wheel of women who he too easily finds flaws with and gets rid of them for the next prospect.
But, honestly, I have a very small list of demands for the women I date (The First Step), especially ones that I am considering as my “main squeezes”.
Mainly there has to be an underlying positivity and niceness. I can not, can not, can not stand women and people who are negative, pessimistic, feel victimized, and liberals (ha!).
Also, this ties into another belief system of mine, which is that you can never fully get to know someone until you have sex with them, so it’s best to try to have sex with them as soon as possible.
It’s like the tale of two girls.
Before sex: sweet, nice, kind, funny, interesting, joyous
After sex: pessimistic, critical, possessive, jealous, mean-spirited, hateful
I can not tell you how incredible the difference was.
This is how it all went down; I had been trying to see Jailbait all week, I hadn’t seen her since we slept together last week. Unfortunately, she’s had finals all week, and she told me on Monday that Thursday would’ve been her first day off. She asked me if I had plans for the weekend and I told her, “I don’t really make plans that far ahead.”
Later I found out that on Thursday there was going to be an event I really wanted to attend. And Friday is another event that I really wanted to go to as well.
When I talked to her on Tuesday, she said that she could hang out after her finals on Thursday and I said that I already had plans for Thursday and Friday but I would love to see her on Saturday. She got really pissy and said, “I thought you didn’t make plans that far ahead.” In a spiteful way.
This was the first sign, a small step into the realm of jealousy. Let’s put this in context for a second, would you treat a friend like this? Of course not. It is fucking rude as shit. Is it any of her business when I make and don’t make plans? Of course not.
The next day I was chatting with her online and she brought up the fact that I am “secretive” and it is mysterious and that it is frustrating at the same time. I asked her what she meant and she said that I’m telling her that I have plans but not giving her details and she wants to ask, but she knows that I’ll twist it into the fact that she is being jealous and possessive.
*DING* Wow, talk about letting me know exactly what she’s thinking. By her saying that I would “twist it” into her being jealous and possessive just says that she is being jealous and possessive, otherwise the thought would have never popped into her head. Additionally, why the hell would I have to tell her my plans? If I wanted to tell her what I was doing then I would tell her. If I didn’t want to tell her I won’t. After that, it comes down to respect. Either she can respect that I keep things to myself or she can walk away.
Only to make matters worse, I showed her some pictures of an event that I threw several years ago, and the first things out of her mouth were criticisms. Gross and negative, what a turn-off.
These are all very, very obvious signs but I have to know what I’m looking for. Because I demand positivity, when there is even the inklings of negativity I am completely aware of it.
Also, I am not a manipulative person. In the past I would have argued with her to demand that she be positive and not jealous and possessive. I have made that mistake SEVERAL times over the course of my life. The thing is she is who she is and it isn’t up to me to change that. If she’s negative and possessive then that’s great for her, I just choose to not associate with it.
So goodbye Jailbait, it was fun while it lasted.
Filed under: Lex's Journal, RelationshipLand | Tagged: being nice, belief systems, criticism, dating, demanding positivity, how people change after sex, Jailbait, jealousy, negative mentality, negativity is unattractive, pickup, possessiveness, PUA, Relationships, sex, sex shows people's true face, women's flaws
The difference between you and I was that you got out of the relationship when you first noticed these signs. When I was with my ex, I was with her for several months even after noticing these signs. But back then, I didn’t know any better.
It’s ok to shut it down when you know that it’s not going to work. One of the things that IS important that guys aren’t really aware of is how she may or may not change after you have sex the first time. Those moments after are critical to know what kind of person she is going to be in the relationship.
Instantly, she became attached and therefore jealously and low self-esteem started to pump in the veins.
I don’t know if low self-esteem and vulnerability go hand-in-hand in this situation but I have noticed that after having sex with women, they become extremely vulnerable (which is natural and ok with me – you’re supposed to) but then their esteem takes a hit because they become overwhelmed with thoughts and emotions about you.
Yeah, it is amazing how you can become so attached to something that makes you feel like total shit. I know in Buddhism one belief is that it is only human to become addicted to something that is ultimately harmful to you.
And yes, I fully believe that once things start hitting that bad note, it’s time to just say, “hey, thanks, but I’m good.” Now, does that mean I don’t believe in “working things out” or that I have a “lack of commitment”, of course not; but then again, we’re talking about a person’s essence right now.
It’s one thing if someone is going through a hard time, or if you are trying to get the details of a situation hammered out, but if a woman is fundamentally negative and unhappy… well shit, I sure as hell have no right to go changing that or “working on that”.
I think it’s a really strong line to put up, and make sure that she understands it all. Boundaries equals love.
Oh, and with this girl she just hit that line really fast that I refuse to accept in my life anymore; sex = possession. Or even worse, relationships = possession, and I fully and fundamentally believe that is completely negative and bad for any relationships.
But that’s just me reiterating the same point. But I think the main thing I’m saying is that it is possible to be vulnerable and open but it be a loving process of submission, while a person who is negative and lacks self-esteem is frightened by letting another person in their life, and therefore are distrustful and possessive.