by Neil Strauss (aka Style)
by Mystery
by David DeidaThe other day I’m listening to a podcast from Brent Smith. He’s going over the whole nonpursuit mentality and giving out your phone number, etc. And he says, “don’t you want a woman who has her stuff together enough to call you and pursue you? Who isn’t afraid to pick up the phone and call a guy that she likes? Who has that assertive personality?”
Well, shit, Brent… no. Actually, that isn’t the kind of woman that I want at all.
Then it got me thinking even further, “is Brent game just a gigantic screen for a particular kind of woman?”
Don’t get me wrong, I think there is a TON of things about Brent game that I find pretty fantastic, they jive a lot with Buddhist philosophies and agree with a lot of my internal beleifs – when it comes to “inner game”.
On a side note, I really am curious about Dr. Alex Benzer who came out with a product called The Tao of Dating that I am curious to read (but I am definitely not willing to invest $90 into an e-book… seriously guys, stop scamming the community).
Non-attachment, non-outcome orientation, being social, not pursuing, etc., etc.
But then again, that isn’t necessarily consistant with who I AM. I think this got put into the best perspective when I was reading Daivid Deida’s Wild Nights. The book is about sexuality and the spirit of sexuality. It’s about a guy’s, who I assume is written based partially on experiences of David Deida, interactions with a spiritual teacher named Mikonos.
One of the FIRST things that Mikonos tells Deida to do is to leave his 9-year relationship. Mikonos suggested it because they were both “hot” personalities, i.e. “alpha” personalities, or as Deida describes in The Way of the Superior Man, “ravishers” (the other end being ravishees”).
I actually have a good deal of practical experience with this. I am a hot personality, probably the quintessential hot personality. The majority of girls I’ve dated in the past were hot personalities as well, because that’s what I was screening for. I wanted a woman who could be forward in conversation, who had extremely strong beliefs, a strong, aggressive personality. It actually all culminated in my ex-girlfriend, who I could only describe as a “bitch” (I’m going to write a lot more on this in a future post).
Additionally, I’ve had male friends who are “cold” personalities, i.e. laid back, who get with girls who are “hot” personalities, and their relationship works fantastically. A good example is Nonex whose girlfriend is incredibly assertive and he is incredibly laid back, and it works out really well.
Anyway, the point is that what Brent was describing - forwardness, assertiveness, etc. aka “hot personality”, is absolutely NOT the personality of woman that I want to be with. Actually, I’ve hung out a little bit with this one girl recently whose personality is EXACTLY what I like. Laid back, very cold, very easy going, etc. It feels so natural to hang out with her, it fits so nicely and I can tell she feels it too.
So, I suppose the next step is to start mixing up styles of game. I even have been thinking about how in the beginning of the year when I was really into approaching, I was living much more in the “now” as opposed to lately when I’ve been more reserved and introspective (which I find unhealthy). I don’t like the forcefulness of approaching, though, but I haven’t been exactly maintaining my socialness either.
Anyway, I am going to find that balance. I’ve hovered totally over to the side of not giving a shit and now I need to start re-balancing by pushing into the approaching category.
I’m doing it slightly more and more, last week I approached a ten on the train, but it was just a shock to her system, and I backed off, especially because of my lack of practice.
I also suppose there is a matter of efficiency. I know I do not ever want to be one of those guys who approaches a thousand chicks only to get a single phone number. This needs to make sense, not just splattering myself in every direction desperately seeking a woman who will answer my phone calls or fuck me. I just don’t have the time to waste like that.
This is going to be interesting.
Filed under: Lex's Journal | Tagged: absolute power dating, being social, Brent Smith, dating, David Deida, Dr. Alex Benzer, e-book ripoffs, evolving game, give out your phone number, hot personalities versus cold personalities, Inner Game, Non-attachment, non-outcome orientation, non-pursuit, pickup, Seduction Community, spirit of sexuality, Tao of Dating, way of the superior man, Wild Nights
One of the things I enjoyed reading about Paul Janka’s first document “Getting Laid In NYC” was how he kept talking about having a system for getting women into your life. Its something every guru talks about, but the way Janka said it made it seem like it was just one small part of your life that didn’t take up too much time. Efficient use of time instead of a huge time sink that yielded inconsistent results.
I like a few things from what I’ve heard of the Brent method, but what you just said reinforces something I read in another blog:
“The rest of what Brandy wrote is fine as far as traditional, passive game is concerned — make eye contact, wait for reciprocation, smile, wait for reciprocation, strike up a conversation, wait for reciprocation. It’s the game of second-place finishers who don’t want to stick their necks out and reach for the brass ring. I can tell you that if you play the game by these “girl rules” you’ll wind up banging the easy marks — the girls who like you, rather than the girls you like. You’ve gotta risk rejection to get what you really desire.”
I’m always eager to see what you do next. Also, congrats dude! You’ve been posting up a storm this last month. I’ve read every article and your successes are like the successes of one of my best friends. I get that sense of pride and respect that you get when you find out your friend got a new job that pays more.
Keep blowing up.
Noah, let me say thanks alot for your kind words! I appreciate your support of the blog as well as my growth.
Thank you.
Otherwise, yes, I really do agree. Forwardness and courage, without attachment to outcome is the way that I’m looking to go.
It’s funny, but it is sort of all these little techniques that I’m trying to learn to “improve results”, even though I’m really happy and satisfied with life not matter what happens. It’s like getting good a Frogger or something.
Lex