Response to Posts by Ciaran

For anyone who doesn’t know who this guy is, he was an instructor (or was it something on the administrative side?) at Real Social Dynamics. He was the originator of several genius posts and theories, including Shock & Awe, and The Cartography of Hell. You can’t find his posts anymore, and thank god I copied The Cartography of Hell for myself, because it is one of those life changing posts of inner reason.

Anyway, he recently left RSD, and put up a couple of posts regarding his feelings on it:

http://zentransformation.blogspot.com/2008/05/short-public-service-announcement.html
http://zentransformation.blogspot.com/2008/05/falling-feels-like-flying-on-way-down.html

These are the absolute best posts I have ever read on the absolute fucked upness of learning “seduction”. If there are any PUA guys out there experiencing “problems” with getting girls, then please read these posts. Ciaran is brilliant. Read his words carefully.

Here’s what I’m getting out of his posts, and thankfully I’m not in the place that he’s talking about (and never have been). Guys are lured to the “community” because they can’t “get girls”. Eventually they do learn how to get girls and achieve this empty, vapid, and hollow goal. And what do they realize… oh shit, “getting girls” was never the problem. The real problem is the reason why they couldn’t “get girls” in the first place. Which leads to, “why the fuck did I just waste 3 years of my life learning this bullshit?” Even worse, it kind of ruins the whole act of interacting and being intimate with a woman.

I look at my own situation and see how laziness actually saved me from this. If this was 3 or 4 years ago, and I’d applied myself to pickup the same way I have recently, then I absolutely would probably be in the same situation as Ciaran.

The thing is I dealt with my inner problem that fucked me up. My father was a cheater, a womanizer, emotionally distant (and not in that tyical father sort of way), an alcoholic, and abandoned my family when I was 4 years old, even though making periodic appearances back into my life.

What does that have to do with pickup? Everything.

It was THE SOURCE of my neediness. It was “my problem”. And would any amount of learning to pickup chicks fill up that gaping hole of neediness? Of course not. Don’t be silly.

So many men are completely unable to face their problems also. I’ll give you the example of a friend that I grew up with. It all began when he was 12 and was molested. I’ll never forget when he was 16 years old, and he was going to be released from prison and my friend had to call in to his parole hearing and testify against the guy. He almost had a mental breakdown. Then when he was 17 years old, his dad left his family for his mistress. Another devastation.

He had similar girlproblems as me, except his were so much less confrontational. While I was always whining about having a girlfriend, he would hook up with girls who were horrendously ugly (which I guess is better than nothing) and idealize and romanticize them to the answers of all his problems.

The last time I heard from him he married a girl who was emotionally and physically abusive to him.

So if this guy learned how to “get girls” do you think it would have solved his problems? Of course not.

I think I heard somewhere that Jeffy was molested by his father Jeffy’s father kidnapped his mother and tortured her, in otherwords was pretty fucked up (** thanks to William for correcting this). From The Game we all know that Mystery is bi-polar and schizophrenic, and had an absentee father.

I’m not saying so much that there are people out there who don’t have problems and therefore get girls, because lord knows there are some really fucked up people fucking a different girl every day of the week.

But what does this solve? I got into this stuff because I thought a woman would make me happy. I wasn’t looking for a woman, I was looking for happiness. Same thing with drug addicts. Same thing with sexaholics. Same thing with every single person on this planet.

It just happens that there are a groups of men out there, namely the seduction community, who have some serious (or maybe not even serious problems, but just problems) which leads them to have problems with girls.

Does solving the girls solve the problems? Of course not.

I know for myself personally everything changed a couple of years ago. I had read more self-help books at the time than seduction books. I wouldn’t say I had anything straight then, but I was definitely feeling a lot better about my life. More than anything I was being more accepting of the world and less judgmental. The ultimate test popped into my life when my dad called to let me know that he was going to be coming in for a week and was hoping he could stay with me.

Honestly I was still pissed off at him, and was pretty resistant. The year before that I had basically cut him out of my life for saying a really fucked up comment as a “joke”.

We spent some time together, and instead of talking to him about myself, I listened to him and his life. What he went through, who he is as a person, etc. As time has gone by I haven’t forgiven him, because what he did was fucked-up, but I have grown to understand and accept him for who he is and what he did. I’m not a victim of anything, he just did what he thought was right for the situation. For my whole life I wished and wanted him to be a different person, and I always wanted him to actually be what I expected my “father to be”.

Have to be’s, need to’s, and supposed to’s.

I don’t believe in that shit anymore. No one has to be anything they aren’t. I don’t need anyone to be anything. And nothing is supposed to be anything. Everything is what it is, and the only person I can change is myself.

Sure, I may talk to him more now, but it’s only because I never get upset at him anymore. Its not like he’s emotional now, or comforting, and trying to be my dad, I just honestly don’t care. By that, I mean that he is who he is, and it doesn’t matter.

The point is that we all have our problems and issues, and it isn’t until we deal with those that we can truly share our lives with someone else. I see friends or family getting involved in relationships or marriages viewing them as solutions to their loneliness and problems. I get involved with girls who look at me as their key to happiness.

The truth is that only you make yourself happy. The only person in this world and life that you can unconditionally love and trust is yourself. No one and nothing else will fulfill that.

So guys, STOP trying to learn seduction! It is bankrupt! Solve your life first, then maybe consider sharing it with others.