Direct Approach Makes Me a Creepy Weirdo

Last night Nonex and I headed out to Doral Ale House to meet up with a couple of community guys who had written me through my blog. We were going to discuss some game, hang out, and just have a fun time. It had been a month since Nonex and I had been out together, so this was going to be a double good adventure.

We get there, and I’m still tired from traveling, going right into work, and late night phone calls from girls. I truthfully just wanted to talk some game, chill, and make new friends.

When we arrive, Nonex runs off to talk to a girl that is sitting down on a bench. I will give it to Nonex, he can approach easier then anyone I’ve ever met. He doesn’t need to warm up, he doesn’t need to get in the flow, he just approaches. Not to mention, he is unbelievably direct. Which I’ll get to later.

Anyway, the three of us go inside, and go to the bar to chill and talk. At one point I turn around to get some water, and flirt a little bit with the bartender, telling her that I want my water with some love. I think I heard that in a podcast one time, and its such a cute little line, it got her smiling.

Side note: later on in the end of the night I was hanging out with non-community friends, and I used this line twice with two different servers at another bar, and they both gave me hugs, saying “oh wow, I’ll give you some love!”

I go back to the guys, and Nonex and I begin to get goofy. We both have similar odd senses of humor and the more we joke, the more wacky and in state I get. One thing I remember reading in The Game by Neil Strauss is that he learned to stop being afraid of taking up space. I have a boisterous laugh at times, especially when Nonex and I start getting really into state, working cocky & funny lines on each other and making inappropriate jokes.  I used to feel slightly bad about it, or I was doing it for attention, but that’s really not the case anymore.

After a while we’re not in reality, we’re floating on our Jeffy Nimbi, and things begin happening on their own. First off, I’m walking through the bar, and I start getting eye fucked by some girls, I really pride myself on my eye contact now. Then I see this young guy flirting with a cougar, and he was really not working the chick well.  As soon as he left, I went over, and I said, “hey, was that guy just hitting on you?” With a huge smile on my face. Things were going ok, I was joking around, but truthfully, I was tired and not on my shit. I was acting weird. Also, being weird and inappropriate with Nonex always gets me acting weird.

I roll off, and in my head think I’ll go back later, which I don’t, and I really could care less. Then Nonex approaches this mixed 3-set behind us. we’re talking to a cute little Chinese girl, and does his typical, “where are you from?” And then he says to her, “oh, I have a lot of black friends”. I think because he’s white or something he said it, I don’t remember the context, but I thought it was hilarious. The girl DID NOT like it AT ALL. After she walked away, we were both laughing, and I said to Nonex, “boy am I glad that girl left, she was going to be a drag to hang out with.” And I really feel that way. This isn’t about getting girls, it’s about meeting women worthy of us, and this one was definitely not.

Then Nonex approached a two set, and I followed in behind him. This was a terrible set. He approached really really direct, so their bitch shields were WAY up. Not to mention, they both had boyfriends, and they were traditionally good looking. I hate direct for this reason, especially in a bar. Truthfully, I think it’s kind of pathetic to approach that way. I walk into the set, and the energy is fucking terrible. Looking back I realized I should have just walked away giving the girls a dirty look for being bitches. Instead Nonex introduced me, and one of the girls introduced herself as “Gina”, and I started calling her “J-I-na” like in that movie The 40 Year Old Virgin. I thought it was hilarious in my head. Nonex told me later it came off as creepy, and that sort of annoyed me considering he’s one of the weirdest guys I know, and he had just blew out a set by saying “I have a lot of black friends”. Whatever, I seriously don’t care, it’s just reinforcing in my head that I don’t want to approach with other guys, rather just do my own thing.

After that we leave. Nonex and I went to a Publix. On our way out, I spot a girl walking in that I found incredibly attractive.  I run her down and approach super direct. “Hey, you are like the most attractive girl I’ve spotted in I don’t even know how long. What’s your name?”  We talk for maybe a minute, the eye contact is really strong, it was obvious that she was attracted to me.  I say, “hey, look, I’m with a friend and I’m about to leave, but let me get your phone number and we can hang out some time.”  Then she told me that her boyfriend was waiting for her out in the car.  “Cool,” I tell her, and smile and walk away.

Just a couple of things about this.  Nonex says that I have a problem being apologetic when I approach.   Sometimes I do feel it when we go direct, which is Nonex’s preferred way of approaching.  I just am not comfortable with it.  Sure, the girl may be flattered, but I find it stupid and creepy.  I’m not going to be against it if I do feel a strong desire to do so, as with the girl in Publix, but as a default, I just don’t like it.  I am not a guy who is running around looking for a chick to accept me, and I’m not running around for girls to fuck either.  I have a lot more self-respect then that.  I really want to find out a few things before I start telling the girl how great I think she is.  I do think that it is something to practice and get more comfortable with, which is why I come off apologetic about it.

Also while editing and re-reading the last paragraph, I realize the reason I come off apologetic when doing certain kinds of approaches, like direct, is because it is completely not genuine.  I’m being apologetic because I am apologizing for being a creepy weirdo.  It is not inline with how I am feeling, and it is not inline with how I view myself.  I really hate direct approach, just like I hate opinion openers.  Truthfully, when I’m in state and having a good time, not thinking about anything and just living in the moment, I could literally walk up to a woman and say, “let’s fuck” if I’m feeling like saying it, and laugh about it, and it’ll open without a problem.  Not preplanned, just being in the moment.  That’s why I don’t like preplanned direct, its contrived, and not real.  I would rather say, “hey, what’s up man?” or “how y’all doing tonight?” because that’s real, not creepy weirdo seducer guy direct approaching.