Chasing the DJ – Long Term Game and Breaking The Rules For A Girl You REALLY Want

This is the long game of all long games.  First off, let me make this point: long game is never, ever a girl that you are close to or friends with.  Sure, some guys may pull it off, but it’s because they’re pussies and don’t know how to make the move, and the girl is so damn into them that they excuse their being pussies.  Or, of course, the guy goes through a massive physical transformation that makes the girl change her perspective on the guy.

Anyway, I met the DJ in 2004.  Almost 8 years ago.  It’s so crazy to say that.  We were never close, never really talked all that much, but have always been around each others social circles.  While I always kept tabs on her, when we finally were reintroduced by mutual friends she didn’t even know who I was until I reminded her.  A huge look of recognition, and literally told me to take her phone number.

It was very odd.  I took her number down, and when I started sending her txts, I got nothing in return, and thought I just needed to back down again until we could run into each other one more time.  Of course, because I’m an idiot, I found out later that I had taken her number wrong.

Let me be very clear about this girl.  She is, for me, one of the most beautiful women I have ever laid eyes on.  Of course, if I were to show most of you a picture, you would think, “yes, she’s hot, but most beautiful?”  Which is cool.  She’s got the things that fit my own attraction things most.  She’s short, dark hair, pale skin, light eyes that are the size of silver dollars, incredibly full lips, plus she’s latina and has curves upon curves upon curves.

I waited for a long time without getting in touch with her, hoping that I’d run into her again one day, which I did at a local concert.  I was with Black Widow, my best friend, and went walking off to check out the venue.  I had a feeling that she may be there, and I saw her standing all by herself off to the side of the place.

I said, “well if it isn’t the beauty of Facebook?”  (Like all attractive girls, she is a blatant attention whore, posting flattering, not revealing, pictures of herself on Facebook eating up all the compliments and comments guys post, which no one reading this blog should be doing).

She replies, “just of Facebook?”  With a smile.  Hooked.

We talk for a little bit about the bands playing, keeping it pretty light, but definitely flirty, keeping her smiling and laughing. Her friend, who was in the bathroom, walks back over, and she’s kinda giving me some attitude, but she realized that we knew each other and loosened up.  The best part of working social circle, over random cold approach, is that diffusing obstacles is a non-issue because you probably know them anyways.

We all talked for a bit, then I asked her to join me and my friends. Did I use a compliance test and a slight venue shift? Yes. Did I do it because I purposefully was testing her compliance by seeing if she’d go somewhere with me? No.

This is one of the problems with learning pickup. It makes it so that you can’t act normally at times, and you get indoctrinated with bullshitty stupid strategies that sneak into your head even if you don’t want them to.

I digress, the DJ and her friend, walk with me to join my friends. Its a great sign. Unfortunately, my friends had decided to stand right next to the speakers and its obnoxiously loud. She doesn’t want to be there, so they take off. Thanks friends.

After that night I decide I have to be a little more aggressive with this girl.

So I do something I never, ever, ever thought I’d do to get a girl’s attention, I buy her a gift. Sparing details because it’ll give too much away, it was absolutely perfect. It cost me next to nothing, it was unique, and it fit her perfectly.

Of course, it is very try hard, but at times I think a guy has to work to get the attention of a very in demand woman.

We get together on a Monday, only being able to squeeze me in her busy schedule and not giving me a full hangout. We meet up and she is pretty negative and tired. She’s not exactly going through the easiest time.

I sit patiently and listen. An important lesson I’ve learned in life is that when someone starts complaining its best to just listen, saying, “that sucks”, and never, ever offering advice.

After not that long, I say, “well good thing I got you this, because I know you’re going to love it.” And hand her the little gift. She actually starts to tear up a little bit. She totally loves it.

Her entire demeanor changes. She’s asking me more questions, smiling a lot more, and laughing. I really tried to play down the gift, but she really loved it.

At one point she goes up to get a donut, and she’s leaning over the counter, obviously showing me her ass.  That image is burnt in my head forever.

We don’t spend much more time than that together, but she its very, very warm. I don’t ask her to do something else, because I don’t want her to think that I gave her the gift just to entice her to spend more time with me.

Later that week I txt her that I’m going to be near her neighborhood, and she says to let her know.

On Friday I’m out with another girl, Records (next post), and we go into a CVS, and the DJ is at the register checking out. Records goes off to buy more alcohol and I walk over to say hi.

She tells me she has to wake up early, and I say cool. I’m a bit more worried that Records us going to walk over, so I start to walk away.

As I’m already walking away, the DJ asks, “what are you doing around here?”

I tell her that I’m hanging with a friend. But then I tell her I’ll be back around the next day, and she says, “hit me up, I get off work after 7.”

I figure I’m in so good. Things are heading on the exact right path. She’s showing interest, inviting me to hang out.

Then, the next day, I call her around 9, straight to voicemail. I don’t leave a message, so I txt her. She writes back an hour or so later with just a single word. I respond, with no response.  Even the next day I send her a very innocuous message, just to test the waters and there’s no response to that either.

What happened? I don’t know. Its very confusing. The only reasonable explanation I have is that the place she went to for work (she does freelance work) was full of people from a rival company of mine that I had some major, major beef with.

I can see it now.  Super hot girl among super fat horrible cunty bitches, “oh man, I’m hanging out with the cutest guy tonight.”

Fat horrible cunty bitches, as they chow on a giant bucket of fried chicken not bothering to clean the grease off their faces, “oh no way.  I can’t get a man, cause I’m a fat cunty bitch that always talks shit about the guys that I go out with on Twitter, even though I should be really appreciative that any man would be willing to go so far down on his standards that he’d go on a date with a fat cunty bitch like myself.  Who is this guy that you’re going out with, that I’ll probably end up being jealous and resentful of because he’s not going out with a fat cunty bitch like me, but rather a gloriously hot and awesome girl like yourself?”

Super hot girl: “Oh, it’s this guy Lex.  You may actually know him?”

Fat horrible cunty bitch: “Lex!  Yes, I know that motherfucker.  He tried going out of his way to help us out, but one time when asking me a very innocent question I acted like a horrible fat cunty bitch and he told me off.  What an asshole!  You definitely should not fuck that guy.”

Otherwise, the only other explanation I have is that her phone was swapped out by some Podperson from the land of Cuntia.

I could probably use the word Cunt in every sentence if I wanted to.

So things are relatively dead.  Which is tragic, but then again, I’ve been patient for a lot of years, so I’m not going to let myself be counted out so far.  Who knows, maybe the DJ just got her period, maybe she just found out she wasn’t getting her period, maybe her cat puked on her shoes, maybe she puked on her cat’s shoes.

Who knows, I just know that patience is a virtue, and I’m going to try to wait this one out.  It would be a shame to get so close to touching the sun, only for it to melt the wax on my wings.

Toodles.

Player Danger

Things are starting to heat up in this kitchen.  Truthfully, I am doing all the things I know I’ve had to do, and as they build up and compound on themselves I end up with a roster full of fabulous women.

That’s step one.  Most pickup artists stop there, leaving students stuck with the psychopaths that women can often be.  Thankfully there is fastseduction.com or guys like David Claire and Franco, who teach about relationship management and dealing with women, see Practical Female Psychology.

Women are unscrupulous and manipulative motherfuckers, and when they find a good man they do what they can to keep them in their grasps.  An unsuspecting pickup artist can find himself in the worst of situations because he’s unable to manage the bigger types of shit tests, the relationship shit tests (that’s right newbie PUAs the shit tests continue forever), a woman may throw at him.

Recently, I’d been sleeping with Short Stack, and they were going well.  She is laid back, asks almost nothing of me, and if she was more attractive I’d probably treat her with a different level of interest.

Then came the issue that I end up having to deal with over and over again, “the late period.”  In a woman’s arsenal of shit tests, this is as close to nuclear as she can get.

I’m not one to mince my words, and I’m definitely one to set boundaries. So I tell her that there’s no way she can go through with it, and she casually says, “I don’t know, I think I would.”

This is a test, and there’s no other way to view it, unfortunately. I know any girl that read this may get completely freaked out, but I’m sorry, this is some serious man talk here.

The “late period” is a woman’s moment to test a player’s resolve of singledom. Don’t be fooled, if you answer wrong, by being understanding, you can just go ahead and put your balls on a plate and lock that chain around your neck.  Of course this only goes toward single guys. Guys in a relationship, you better be supportive and loving and telling your girlfriends, “yes dear, I love you, let’s figure this out together.”

Single guys on the other hand need to put their foot down immediately, and tell the girl she has got to take care of this. This isn’t Knocked Up, or leading to a happy ending, this is a challenge to the course of the entire rest of your life, and I promise that ending won’t be happy. Consider the conditions in which your life with her will start, being ensnared, and remember that will be the terms in which you spend the test of your life.

Personally, I’ve already made up my mind, and I’m taking a big plunge into permanent safeguard, the big V, that’s a Vasectomy for all you kids out there.  This is just a game I can’t take the chance of losing.

Smirk: The Player’s Plight

I’ve been getting some really steady action lately, the holiday season’s bring out the worst in girl’s emotions, and I’m definitely happy to take advantage of it.

This is another girl I met through OKCupid.  This site is such a fucking goldmine, I have met and banged so many girls through it, it’s not even fair.  We chatted over txt for a long time because she had a lot of family obligations until January.

We finally make plans to meet up this past Wednesday at a bar by my house.  She’s a young girl (22), 9 years younger than me, which I prefer.  There’s just a certain looseness and fun vibe that young woman have and woman in their 30′s don’t.

We get a couple of drinks, and I’m following the standard David De’Angelo “Be Interesting and Interested”.  If a girl is out with a guy alone, that means that all you have to do is stay out of your way and something will happen.  No need to be super cute, or clever, or awesome.  Just be a cool, laid back guy.

I start dropping some seeds to get back to my place by talking about movies.  It’s just the perfect suggestion, it’s innocuous and women inherently know what’s going to go down by coming over.

We get to my place and I’m feeling no resistance.  We get in my bed to watch the movie “because the TV in the living room doesn’t work.”  And a few minutes in, I start making my moves.

Unfortunately, I hit a major, major roadblock – this girl does not want to kiss.  At all.  She’s really against it for some reason.  It throws me for a loop.  I think, “I should just freeze her out then go back in.”  So I back off for a bit, but she’s not necessarily reengaging.  Well, we haven’t exactly done anything yet, so it makes sense why she won’t reengage.  So, I go in again for the kiss, and I’m rejected again.

This is really throwing me off my game.  In retrospect, I know exactly what was going on.  Something happened to this girl, or she has a strange belief system, that kissing is “the highest form of intimacy” and she won’t kiss easily but she may fuck easily.  My problem is that I had a certain routine I go through, and making out and kissing is the first step to knowing if she wants to hook up.

Validation seeking monster turns up it’s ugly head again.  The key to being a seducer is following the paths of least resistance.  If she doesn’t want to kiss me, then fine, I’ll just grab her pussy or put her hand on my dick.  But, in the moment it’s hard to think, “well she won’t kiss, so let me grab her pussy.”

At heart I’m still a nice guy, and those are the things outside of a nice guy’s reality, but players push and push making things happen.

We hang out for awhile, and I’m still trying to figure out ways to kiss her, which never happens.  She ends up leaving, and I know that’s it, I know I’ll never see her again.

This is the Player’s Plight.

I can’t remember how things used to happen.  I can’t remember how I would hang out with a girl and kiss her one day, make out the next, and then fuck on another.  Now that I’ve gotten to the point where I consistently have sex with a girl on the first date, if I don’t push it, things are over.

In the community it’s called “Buyer’s Remorse.”  If a girl is in your house, in your bed, basically putting herself out there for you, and you don’t go as far as you can go (in which I mean either oral sex or sex, or wherever her true stopping point is but is) then you will never, ever see her again.

Emotionally, a woman is putting herself out there to have sex, saying “it is your job to get this from me,” and if I am incapable of getting it then I am deemed unworthy.  Actually, it’s more like, from the woman’s perspective, “I put myself out there, and he didn’t want it, am I a slut?  Oh my god, I must be a slut.  I can’t see this guy again.”

It’s kind of tragic, because from my perspective I’m just trying to be respectful and understanding to her resistance.

Lesson learned.  When you have a girl one-on-one then either totally don’t go for it or totally go for it.  Don’t play the middle ground and don’t look for approval or validation.  Period.

LR: Short Stack – The Close

Continuing from the last post about Short Stack…

After meeting up the day before, we still got together on the original Friday we had planned. While she was trying to pull the whole, we’re going to another restaurant, I tell her she’s coming to my apartment to eat in and watch a movie.  Which in chickspeak means come over to fuck.

She gets here and things are fine.  If anything we have some pretty good chemistry and she doesn’t come off as being needy or demanding.  Also she tells me that she’s got commitment issues, which means don’t expect a relationship - great for me.

Eventually we get up to my bedroom to watch the movie.

Hooking up for the first time is like going to war. Poking and proding different angles of attack, looking for the opening to the pussy.  Some girls like to be touched a certain way, in a certain order.  For example, most women don’t prefer to have their boobs touched the first time having sex, because it’s such an instant alarm for their anti-slut defenses.  Short Stack, on the other hand, gave a ton of resistance having her pussy touched until I played with her boobs first.  It’s just a matter of being open and non-needy to getting sex, but being able to find the way to get what you want.  Basic freeze-out and fractionalization tactics should be mastered.

I got her all the way naked.  She tells me that we’re not going to have sex, we’re not going to do it.  I’m just agreeing.  ”You’re right, we’re not,” I say with a very mischievous grin on my face.  I still put on the condom, and I’m getting ready to get inside her.  Another amazing skill that comes with experience is totally seeing through token resistance.

Unfortunately, she completely stops me, “no, I can’t.  I actually just had a small procedure done and I can’t have sex for a week.”  (I’m keeping exactly what it was off here, but I know what you may be thinking, and no it wasn’t for an STD.)

I start laughing, and I say, “then how the hell did you let me get to this point?”

She responds, “I don’t really know!”

There’s something I always have a hard time understanding about doing all this pickup stuff, which is the woman’s perspective on what’s going on.  To me, everything is planned.  I am in total control and am leading every single step of the interaction.  There is nothing I haven’t come across before, and there’s nothing that I don’t understand, even if I do it wrong.

But from a woman’s perspective, shit is just happening.  They don’t know where it’s going or whats happening.  They just know it feels good, and that they may or may not want it to stop.  When a woman gives “token resistance” it’s not like she realizes she’s doing it, she’s just feeling slightly uncomfortable and she kind of freaks out in her head and wants you to make her feel better.

Anyway, we have to stop, and Short Stack ends up giving me a BJ.  I’m pretty disappointed, but this deal is basically done.  4 days later we meet up again, and it’s obvious what’s going to happen.

It is interesting though, because right before I’m inside her she stops me again to say “this isn’t happening.”

Sometimes it’s easiest just to state the facts.  I tell her that she doesn’t need to worry, this isn’t going to turn into anything, and that we’re just enjoying ourselves.  It’s totally not a big deal.

Resistance gone in a blaze of honesty.

Another one bites the dust.

Short Stack: A New Technique Develops

So after 20 days of denying myself any meaningful contact with a woman, I’m back on the saddle again, and apparently throwing all sorts of cliches around.  I started hitting the internet dating sites again hard, because it’s just so convenient to sit at work and slack off by fiddling through cellphone apps.

I’ve gotten a couple of really strong hits, one of which is Short Stack.  There’s something very important that I’m learning lately, even though it may even be a flaw in my game.  Anyway, if a girl is into me, then she’s into me.  It’s just so easy to feel it.  When I know, I know.  Chasing flakes, trying to wonder what’s the “right thing to say,” all the little things that all dating gurus try to sell people on is all just a bunch of bullshit.  When a girl is into you, she’s into you.  It’s just a decision that she makes, and all you need to do is get out of the way.

Of course, on the other hand, if she isn’t, then she isn’t.  No amount of game, convincing, talking, bullshitting, or whatever will make her feel differently.  And maybe that’s what “really good” Pickup Artists can do, but I’ve never had a girl go from being flaky and not interested to being interested (of course, they very easily go from interested to flaky).

I had only a couple of back and forths with Short Stack over okcupid before I got her phone number.  I could tell she was into it because she was responding to my messages basically right away.  I think a good lesson is to always try to match a girls pace.  If she takes an hour or two to respond to your message, then take an hour or two back.  If she responds after 5 minutes, then take 5 minutes.  Let her decide her level of commitment to the interaction, don’t force it on her.

Anyway, that same night I had her on the phone and we had about an hour and a half long conversation.  This too is another lesson I’ve had to learn over the years.  Do not be afraid to be on the phone for long periods of time.  This can only help, not hurt.  Meeting a girl from the internet is very strange for her.  For most PUAs it’s just a matter of having ways of meeting different girls, but for a girl she’s in the mindset of “is this guy a rapist?”  Remember, a girl’s number one fear is if the guy she’s about to go out on a date with is a rapist.

We set up to hang out on a Friday, which was 3 days after the first conversation.

Ok, so here’s the new technique, and I pulled this off with Pickles too.  So, I knew that I was going to be hanging with a friend on Thursday night that lived close to Short Stack.  I started txting her during the day, teasing her that since I was going to be in the area we should hang since I’d be there.

Of course, she agreed.

Here’s the reason.  Women are emotional creatures as we all know, logic has nothing to do with their decision making process.  Making a date with a woman opens the emotional doors that she’s emotionally ready to hang out with you.  From this point forward the details don’t matter at all.

Much, much more importantly, though (and you’ll see what happens later in the post), by undercutting the “first date” mentality, by meeting up before the actual “first date,” it extremely effectively sidesteps any ASD (anti-slut defense) that any and all women have associated with hooking up on the first date.

After hanging out with my friend, I meet up with Short Stack at a neighborhood bar.  She’s dressed extremely casual, which is exactly what I wanted.  The less pressure, the better.  We drink a couple of beers, but the place is closing up relatively early.

I’m being extremely forward, trying to grab her hand at the table, or grab her hand as we’re walking out, little things like that.

We get to her car, and keep talking for a bit, and I’m all over her.  I’m rubbing her shoulders, hugging her, kissing her face, and trying to kiss her mouth, but she keeps backing off, even though after not too long she relents and we kiss.

A slight technical note, and this is a Jeffy thing that I have to relearn: no makeouts if you can’t fuck.  Just hold off, it’s better to go for some slight kisses.

We go through with our date plans for the next night, and I’ll finish up this post in a Part 2, later today or tomorrow.

End of the Year

Its unbelievable to think that at this time last year my ex and I were celebrating our second Christmas together, and I was just beginning to get things like life and work together.

At this time last year, I wasn’t involved in any of the things I now find to be my utmost priorities and I’m not talking pickup. I’ve always written in this blog that the most important part of your dating life are the things you do outside of dating. I may not write about my own non-pickup life but I an being successful in a way I never thought possible, and on the fast track to accomplishing some very, very big goals.

More than anything this year was defined by my past relationship. I’ve learned some important lessons about myself and how important it is to live my life my own way.

I find it so fascinating when other people act threatened by the fact that I don’t want kids, marriage, or even a relationship.  They give me advice and say “you just wait.”  Of course, these are the same people who have dated and slept with maybe two other people in their lives then got married and had kids, and now complain about it every single time we talk, except for when they want to tell me how much I’m missing out on.

Most importantly, I think I finally understand heartbreak and heartache in a real way that has nothing to do with someone hurting me.  I finally understand what it’s like to love someone and give as much as you can to them, only to lose them.  Yes, I was the one who caused it, but it was because at 31 years old I’m still learning what it is that I exactly want out of life.

For most of this year I lived within, while trying to avoid, the pain that happens when you lose someone you love.  I tried as hard as possible to get away from my feelings, never confronting them, never allowing myself to integrate them into my life.  And it led to some really awful situations, mainly see Pickles.

But, now that I’ve confronted my feelings and pain, I’m ready to move on.  I already have a very positive interaction, which I’ll get to in my next post, and there’s already more on the horizon.  I feel much, much better, and I know that the energy I’m giving off is much better because I’m no longer living inside my pain.

Oh, on a side note, but absolutely related to pickup.  When I broke up with my ex in May, I made a promise to myself to make an effort to go to the gym, lose weight, and get myself back in shape.  A lot of it for the sake of dating, a lot of it having to deal with get myself in shape now that I’m over 30.  Anyway, I didn’t start making a true effort to work out really hard, and lose weight, until my birthday in August.  Since then I’ve shed 20 pounds and put on a ton of muscle.  The other night I found myself in bed, and the girl I was with kept rubbing her hands on my arms and chest admiring my body.

I still have a lot to go to get to where I want to be, which is about 45-50 lbs less than where I was, but I’m really enjoying going to the gym, eating healthy, and looking better.  I’m getting a lot more Indicators of Interest, and a lot more female attention just based on my physical looks, which I haven’t had in awhile.

So onto the New Year.  I have some very, very good feelings about it, and look forward to everything that it’ll bring.  And to those out there still struggling with getting all these beliefs and concepts down, keep the faith and hope, you can and will find happiness soon.  Just keep at it.

First Approach Using Roosh V’s Day Bang Method

So as you all may know, I’m not that big a fan of approach, especially in night clubs and bars.  Truthfully, I am much less opposed to day game, especially if its done in a way that is incorporated to my everyday life, and not going out specifically to sarge a mall, which is pathetic.

Truthfully, I’ve just started reading the book, but I can already tell that it integrates very well into my own already existing Natural, Normal Guy game.  Mainly it focus around approaching women in a very non confrontational way.  Such as asking questions about her pen or laptop, and learning how to talk in a way that makes her ask questions about the things you say.

Its pretty mild so far, I like it.

Yesterday I’m on my way to the gym, and when I get off the escalator there’s this really cute girl painting holiday pictures on the window of a store.

I have to admit, I started taking to her completely by reflex.  I asked her if she was painting the window by free hand or if she had an outline she used.

We talked for a good amount of time about art and the things we liked. She was engaged and asking me questions and I was asking her questions, it was just a good interaction.

I have to take off and I tell her a friend is having am art show on Sunday if she’s interested. She says sure, so I take out my phone and get her number.

I typically try not to write about getting numbers because they don’t mean shit, only if they lead to something. More than anything it felt good to do an approach again and walk away with a number.  Hopefully more to come soon.

20 Days of Pain

My 20 day self-restraint challenge is over, and I have to say it was one of the hardest things I’ve done.  It’s always hard to have to give up something that you feel is so important, but that’s the main reason why I did it, because dating and pickup is totally NOT important.

At times, because we study these things, we become delusional and believe that because we can meet women and seduce them in ways that we hadn’t previously done in our lives, we somehow become supermen.  I feel really bad for the guys that go out night after night to bars or clubs searching for some kind of meaning, when in reality they’re chasing ghosts.

Pickup, dating, women, etc. will never, ever give a man the answers he needs for an empty life.

Unfortunately for me, this 20 day challenge made me face an enormous demon that I had been avoiding for over 7 months now: the end of my last relationship.

There’s a phrase in pickup FTOW, Fuck Ten Other Women, in relation to dealing with heartbreak.  Trust me, I followed that to the letter, I literally had another women in my apartment an hour after my ex-girlfriend moved out.  This is totally different than how I’d dealt with other breakups.  Typically, I spend about a month alone, dealing with what happened, being alone, relearning myself, etc.

Since my breakup, I’ve chased, pickedup, fucked, and put a lot of energy into getting over my relationship by finding other women.  Another moment in my life where I’m living by others rules, and it was never my way.  I confront, not avoid.

Truthfully, I have noticed a bit more of an emotional attachment to having girls flake on me, or when something didn’t go my way, which is exactly why I needed to take the 20 day self-restraint challenge.  What I didn’t know was that all the months of avoiding what happened with my ex would come back with a vengeance.

The more you suppress, the harder things come back.

I don’t want to say that I’ve been a mess, but I have been extremely emotional. It’s been really very hard to deal with, particularly because my mind has been empathizing with her, imagining how hard she must have cried over the fact that I completely shut down after 2 years of being in an intense and serious committed relationship.

More than anything I realize that I was wrong.  Not necessarily to breakup, because I know that I can’t be in a tradition, monogamous relationship, but the way I handled it.  It was so unfair to her, and I wanted to have been much more loving.

At times I take some really, really bad advice and follow it without questioning what it means to me.  The worst thing any man can do is lose track of his values in favor what what someone else tells him.

At least it’s subsiding, and I’m feeling like I can move on and begin another evolution of my personal growth.  Pain is unfortunately a necessity at times.  While it totally sucks to have to go through it, in the long term it is extremely valuable.

The Girls That Made Me Lexicon: Cowgirl

Unlike my pre-game stories, I wanted to get down the stories of the women who broke my heart.  I feel that its important for me to share the experiences that show why men need to study the dating arts because if we don’t we get taken advantage of and get hurt very very badly.

This all started in my freshman year of college.  At the time I was still a virgin and played the role completely.  When I first meet the Cowgirl I had probably only kissed two girls.

I first met her one morning when I went to the dorm stoop to have a cigarette.  I was totally hungover from the night before.  When I’m walking out the back door and taking a right to avoid a group of people, I hear someone say to me, “hey I like your sandals.”

I wasn’t really in a condition to be too articulate but the moment stood out because she was beautiful and at the time any woman who gave me attention became a big deal.

A couple of months later I ran into her again, because she was friends with a guy in the dorm.  I’m not sure how things started getting ramped up but we ended up going out for dinner.  If I remember correctly, I think I managed a pop kiss at the end of the night.

Yet, even though we had a good time she would disappear on me.  This is one of the biggest differences between me now compared to the way I used to be.  I always put myself first now, if a girl messes with me and starts playing games, I just back off.  A woman isn’t a necessity in my life and I’m more than willing to walk away from one that doesn’t treat me right.

I digress.  We had a few moments here and there of spending time together, but she would never have sex with me.  But I thought I loved her and I wasn’t equipped to handle a woman behaving that way.

I’ll never forget spending the night at her house once, and she made me sleep on the floor because she wasn’t feeling well and she didn’t want to tempt me.

Later that school year in Spring we went to her parent’s house for Easter.  I felt very welcomed and I felt like things were going right finally, that we were finally heading in the right direction.  We started off the trip being very affectionate, and into me.  But by the end of it she started acting strange and distant.  When we got back she disappeared on me again. I felt so fucked up over her, it was truly terrible.

I went home for Summer break and tried putting her out of my mind, but we found each other again.  She was talking to me differently, that she wanted to be my girlfriend, that she loved me and that she felt she could marry me.

I got totally wrapped up in the moment.  I was in love but still a virgin and had no idea of what I wanted.

She came down to Miami to visit me one weekend, and I was so happy.  I finally had a girlfriend and a beautiful one at that.  I was in love and she was talking marriage.

She spent time with my friends and family, and they all warned me that she was pretty weird.  But I didn’t care.

One night we were in bed together, kissing and being romantic.  I finally got her clothes off, except for her panties.  She said she was starting her period but we finally were intimate together in some way.

As the weekend went on, it felt like she was withdrawing.  It felt like I was holding onto a cliff edge about to fall off with my fingers sliding off slowly.  When I asked her she would just say that she wasn’t feeling well.

This was the days when calling someone long distance cost a lot if money, and often we’d get out if touch because she wouldn’t have the money to call me.  Before she left I gave her a phone card so she would be able to call me when she got back to her home in Tampa.

I didn’t hear from her for a week.

I was devastated.  I refused to call her, I wanted to know that she loved me, and have her prove it to me.  After a week I couldn’t take it anymore.

I finally called her, and she said, “where have you been?”  Not in a demanding way, but in a surprised, loving sort of way.  It throw me for such a loop and made me instantly feel guilty for being so stubborn.

I asked her where she had been, and she said, “I’ve been in the hospital.”

More guilt on me.  “How could you not tell me?  What happened?”

“I had a miscarriage,” she said a little too casually.  She explained that she had a boyfriend the entire time that we were dating, and that I was her “guy on the side.”  When they broke up, that’s when she wanted to try things with me.  What she didn’t know is that when she came to see me she was pregnant with his kid, and started having a miscarriage in my Mom’s house.

Not the easiest news to take.  I was so confused and was totally unprepared over how to act.  But I was in love, and I felt that more than ever I had to stand beside her.  In a sick way, I’m glad to have found out that there was a reason why she hadn’t wanted to fully be with me before, I thought that we could finally be together.

We didn’t have a full conversation again for a couple of weeks.  Again, I found myself incredibly upset over the entire ordeal, but rationalized it on the phone card and long distance issue.

I finally got her on the phone again.  I asked her how things were going, and she said nonchalantly, “I went out with some friends last night, I met this Cowboy, I rode him all night.”

I hung up the phone.  I tried making it back to my bedroom, but I collapsed on the floor of the living room of my parent’s house and cried in a way that I had never cried before.  I stayed in bed for an entire week, so completely destroyed that I could barely eat.

It took me nearly two years to get over that moment.  I took me almost 6 years to get over the Cowgirl, by learning pickup and self-help.

The bitch of improving your life is learning to deal with emotional trauma is accepting and empathizing with the people who hurt you the most.  In my life two people hurt me worse than I thought I could take, the first being my father, the second being Cowgirl.

Years later I found her on Facebook and we’ve talked every now and then.  She told me that when we were dating she was on a lot of drugs (cocaine, ecstasy, etc.) and that she regrets what she did to me.

It’s gratifying, but it wasn’t necessary.  Looking back the pain was truly awful, but I’m thankful that it never made me hate women or become jaded.  I had enough perspective to keep it for what it was.

More than anything, it also taught me to be much more protective of my heart (even though I have been hurt badly after that, another upcoming post) and be more aware of warning signs.  Sure it took many more years to learn to put myself before the whims of a woman but before things ever get anywhere close to this level I have a really gigantic sized lesson to look back on.

Putting On The Brakes

I’m up here in Ohio visiting family on Thanksgiving vacation.  I find myself talking about girls all the time.  When talking to my friends online, I talk about girls.  I tell my family about how good my dating life is going.  I’m out and about and I’m thinking about making my next approach, next interaction, how I can get laid, whatever, whatever.

This is a big, big problem of getting involved in pickup and the dating arts.  It is so unbelievably addictive, because it’s so easy to tie up your own self-worth in an activity that if you’re good at it, all your other male friends will lavish you with compliments and validation.

Validation seeking behavior is the thing that can derail your entire social experiment.  The second you look towards external sources to make you develop your self-worth, then that’s when you start having some big troubles.  And let me tell you, going from being a socially awkward, dorky guy that flew to Indiana to meet a girl he met on AOL Chat Rooms only for her to ask him to leave a day into the trip, to being an ultra charismatic, popular, social butterfly who has incredibly beautiful women leaving their panties in his bed is a bit of a mind-fuck.

And within that is a moment like I’m having right now, where I get too much into the mindset of chasing, chasing, chasing.  Now, I don’t mean to play it like the way that Brent Smith plays things, in which he says you should never, ever chase a woman, because I think being forward can make things work.  I mean that sometimes you have women that are hanging around you, that show their interest, but don’t go anywhere for any number of reasons on their side.

If I kept playing my cards right could some of them turn into a hookup situation?  Possibly.  But that’s not the point.

Where I’m at right now is internally wrong.  I’m too focused, too obsessed, and too concerned.  In the end, I don’t give a shit about any of these women.  These people are unimportant to me, they’re just women I’m looking to have sex with.  By continuing to “try” I give them power over my life and my focus, and I’m not willing to do that.

So I’m setting up a 20 day challenge for myself.  For the next twenty days I will not forwardly communicate with any woman that I am sexually interested in.  If she writes I will be cordial, but mainly uninterested.  I will only change my tune if she forwardly pushes to hang out.  But for now I will focus on my main priorities, and stop pursuing.

In terms of this blog I will still try to write on general theories, but experiences will have to wait for a bit.  At least until December 12.  I also think I’ll start working on my own eBook I’ve been putting off for so long.